Fitting Him by Simon Williams

Fitting Him

The trousers were fine;
a good pair of cream chinos,
some flounce, not cutting him
but slimline to exploit his figure.

The shirt and jacket
were the problems, I could
see we’d have trouble when
he ducked through the doorway.

He wanted something, he said,
smart casual, not too bright,
friendly, but with a little distance,
good for enunciations.

I puzzled over this;
to me he spoke very clearly,
if a little boomy, slightly

He was one of your
Laura Ashley, William Morris types.
Lovely complexion, a certain glow.
He could almost take a dress.

We tried a number of styles,
different cloths, but really
it was the fit that was amiss.
I told him, I said

“I’m sorry, sir, but there’s,
not much call for your… irregularities.
Our normal run of customer
is less well-endowed.”

As a last resort, I mentioned
Dawkins & Hitchens, Ecclesiastical Outfitters,
thought they might
have something for the wings.


Simon Williams has written poetry for 35 years. It ranges widely, from quirky pieces often derived from news items or science and technology, to biographical themes, to the occasional Clerihew. He has five published collections, the latest being A Place Where Odd Animals Stand (Oversteps Books, 2012) and Wastrels  (Paper Dart Press, 2015). Simon has a website, was The Bard of Exeter in 2013 and founded The Broadsheet ( He makes a living as a journalist.


  1. Can see why this poem got selected, I enjoyed reading it Simon. It’s quirky and the twist in the last stanza is a surprise that made me smile. I definitely didn’t see it coming and it makes the poem memorable.


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